If there are lesser things on my mind, will I be happier?

I really need someone to show me how to go on from here. Tonight, I am so lost. No longer have faith in any emotional commitment.

I cry because I hope I'm wrong with my feelings. I cry cos I don't know how im going to face the future. I cry cos..i don't want the good memories to be history.

If only the fire still burns...

2011 EOY

Each time i read back my past blog entries, memories never fail to engulf me. Plus, the comment box that i used to embed stored the conversations that i had with people that i am/was close to. That feeling always come back and bite me whenever im reminded of those sweet memories. And now, i am already 23! I've been trying to take things easy and just move on with. There are so many things in life that i can't control and if i know i've done my best, i shldn't feel bad at all right?

Sometimes i just come to a verdict that there's no one else i should depend on other than myself. This will save so much time in seeking for help when things crop up. But, friends and family do matter. I do believe they play a huge part in making things complete and thats when you feel happiness! cos they will always be there for you no matter if they can help or not.

And this year, I got to learn the feeling of intense heartache. They are beyond words to draw meaning and definitely a tear jerker that will not leave you alone. It became a norm to have my pillow drenched with tears during those days and man, was it hard to overcome that. It scares me cos i have to deal with it alone. There's no others that can help me to find the answer but me, myself and i. You just need the luxury of having ample time to analyze and feel the problem. (:

In fact, from the emotion overhaul, i've learnt to accept changes and adapt to the present. Box up the history just for reminiscence and be thankful that there were such memories in the first place! Easier said than done though. lol. I am still the one who is full of contradictions...but i grow from it! I am more mature than last year.

yea so..gonna end this entry abruptly. It is never my style to end properly cos the story always goes on...<3

Lost.

I meant it literally. I think i have a problem with directions. But at times, im pretty good at it! For instant, remembering which carpark lot in the multistory carpark.

Today i went for interview at marina square and seriously, i totally forgot it was that far to walk from the mrt to the mall! I was probably gan-chionging cos I was running late. My legs felt like jelly and my stomach was empty without lunch. Moral of the story, never rush around when you are hungry like mad. Can faint! Need to buy some sweets and throw into bag. They will be a life saviour.

Talking about sweets, I'm gonna visit the dentist tmr, again. To fix the other teeth. Ever since the last visit, i realised the dentists are really trying to earn more and more money from us! After talking to several friends, their problems seem to be similar to mine but less worried than i am! I was totally freaked out when the dentists told me what i have to do for my teeth. Now that i know im not the only one in the whole world with teeth issue, i can go to the clinic with a lighter heart. Not that im gonna be less nervous but better. (:

alright back to grey's anatomy. its loading sooo slow.

OLA!

YES. The day I've been waiting is here! Time to enjoy i guess but kinda turned off by the final paper. How can MCQ be this tough?! smh. Speechless.

Anyway, Joshua brought me to keppel Bay for TCC (: He ordered my favourite Aglio Olio and the waitress came back and dropped the news that "we ran out of smoked salmon." DAMN IT! We went there because josh wanna satisfy my craving for smoked salmon! MY only craving after so long leh!
Besides from the missing of Mr. Salmon, the restaurant was slowly cooking everyone inside. Very warm -.- I mean its understandable cos its by the bay but, shouldn't they blast the aircon? We paid a more premium price than the normal TCC! It was a quick lunch, no dessert. Before josh melts inside, we have to leave. lol

Even now is so hot and humid at home. where is my winter??? Making me all sleepy and..sticky. ARGH

Anyway, dental appointment tmr. Good luck to me.

<3

POW - Picture of the Week

WAHHHHH. drama.

people studying and im here blogging. How inappropriate but..can't concentrate la!

anyway, i have decided to post a picture of the week here. I have so many ideas of what to draw! BUT all that will have to wait till end of exams (:

k back to study and shall not let the internet world distract meeeeee!

半夜三根

以前的你，在我耍脾气时还会一直逗我开心。现在是为了工作而累了吗？我这么提你着想，那你呢？都不管我了。。。还真想哭。。。其实这几晚都为了这件事而睡不着。 不想再解释给你听了，因为你总是不理解! T.T 是我想太多了吗？

真的累了。

对自己哭了几天，真的累了。 我猜这里是唯一的发泄地吧。有可能是我小题大做吧。。

Shocking news.

you know, sometimes you will be super wow by people's action. Such as the decisions that they make. You never know what it will become the next minute!

At such time, even though i tried convincing and making my point stands, ultimately its not me who gonna take the responsibility. So just respect what they want and be happy for them? BUT WHY?

Moving on, doing business is not easy! hahaha since when it was. But you never try you nv know! I think at such time, you will find out who are your friends who support and use action to prove it. Not by monetary of course, what i meant is morale support. From this, i realise i got not many close friends. lolll. I knew it long ago la just that what's happening now enhances my verdict.

Since poly days, i found out that no matter how close you are with a friend, they just leave me without giving me a reason. That hurts like hell but does she cares? NO. yup and that hurts tremendously more. Best friend forever? Its them who woke me up and told me there's nothing such as bffffff..

(continued..)

Just finished watching amazing race and the final episode always brings tears to my eyes. The hardship and experience they went through are beyond words and can only be shared between the 2 best friends! gosh, best friend again. i guess its not in my life that i should have best friends. From the past friendships i had, i developed phobia of getting too close to someone and admitting that they are my best friend. (give yourself a pat on the shoulder if u had done that to me) Because they will eventually disappear! Maybe i am a very insecure person...i think i am.

I've been thinking, is it only when you are colleagues then u can be good friends??? Ever since i left my job, close friends do not seem close anymore...OK imma stop being childish. im 22! should stop crying over things that affected me so many thousand years ago. Their life still goes on and mine too.

There is alot more in my heart to be said but its best kept in the heart.

Hate thinking bout this, always make me emo.